sexta-feira, 23 de janeiro de 2009

"Ninguém sabe o que sou quando rumino"

Bons dias! Vi não me lembra onde...


É meu costume; quando não tenho o que fazer em casa, ir por esse mundo de Cristo, se assim se pode chamar à cidade de São Sebastião, matar o tempo. Não conheço melhor ofício, mormente se a gente se mete por bairros excêntricos; um homem, uma tabuleta, qualquer coisa basta a entreter o espírito, e a gente volta para casa "lesta e aguda", como se dizia em não sei que comédia antiga.
Naturalmente, cansadas as pernas, meto-me no primeiro bond, que pode trazer-me à casa ou à Rua do Ouvidor, que é onde todos moramos. Se o bond é dos que têm de ir por vias estreitas e atravancadas, torna-se um verdadeiro obséquio do céu. De quando em quando, pára diante de uma carroça que despeja ou recolhe fardos. O cocheiro trava o carro, ata as rédeas, desce e acende um cigarro: o condutor desce também e vai dar uma vista de olhos ao obstáculo. Eu, e todos os veneráveis camelos da Arábia, vulgo passageiros, se estamos dizendo alguma coisa, calamo-nos para ruminar e esperar. Ninguém sabe o que sou quando rumino. Posso dizer, sem medo de errar, que rumino muito melhor do que falo. A palestra é uma espécie de peneira, por onde a idéia sai com dificuldade, creio que mais fina, mas muito menos sincera. Ruminando, a idéia fica íntegra e livre. Sou mais profundo ruminando; e mais elevado também.
Ainda anteontem, aproveitando uma meia hora de bond parado, lembrou-me não sei como o incêndio do club dos Tenentes do Diabo. Ruminei os episódios todos, entre eles os atos de generosidade tinham parte das sociedades congêneres; e fiquei triste de não estar naquela primeira juventude, em que a alma se mostra capaz de sacrifícios e de bravura. Todas essas dedicações dão prova de uma solidariedade rara, grata ao coração.
Dois episódios, porém, me deram a medida do que valho quando rumino. Toda a gente os leu separadamente; o leitor e eu fomos os únicos que os comparamos.
Refiro-me, primeiramente, à ação daqueles sócios de outro club, que correram à casa que ardia, e, acudindo-lhes à lembrança os estandartes, bradaram que era preciso salvá-los. "Salvemos os estandartes!" E tê-lo-iam feito, a troco da vida de alguns se não fossem impedidos a tempo. Era loucura, mas loucura sublime. Os estandartes são para eles o símbolo da associação, representam a honra comum, as glórias comuns, o espírito que os liga e perpetua.
Esse foi o primeiro episódio. Ao pé dele temos o do empregado que dormia, na sala. Acordou este cercado de fumo que o ia sufocando e matando. Ergueu-se, compreendeu tudo, estava perdido, era preciso fugir. Pegou em si e no livro da escrituração e correu pela escada abaixo.
Comparai esses dois atos, a salvação dos estandartes e a salvação do livro, e tereis uma imagem completa do homem. Vós mesmos que me ledes sois outros tantos exemplos de conclusão. Uns dirão que o empregado, salvando o livro, salvou o sólido; o resto é obra de sirgueiro. Outros replicarão que a contabilidade pode ser reconstituída, mas que o estandarte, símbolo da associação, é também a sua alma; velho e chamuscado, valeria muito mais que o que possa sair agora novo, de uma loja. Compará-lo-ão à bandeira de uma nação, que os soldados perdem no combate, ou trazem esfarrapada e gloriosa.
E todos vós tereis razão; sois as duas metades do homem, formais o homem todo... Entretanto, isso que aí fica dito está longe da sublimidade com que o ruminei. Oh! Se todos ficássemos calados! Que imensidade de belas e grandes idéias! Que saraus excelentes! Que sessões de Câmara! Que magníficas viagens de bond!
Mas por onde é que eu tinha principiado? Ah! Uma coisa que vi, sem saber onde...
Não me lembra se foi andando de bond; creio que não. Fosse onde fosse, no centro da cidade ou fora dela. Vi, à porta de algumas casas, esqueletos de gente postos em atitudes joviais. Sabem que o meu único defeito é ser piegas; venero os esqueletos, já porque o são, já porque o não sou. Não sei se me explico. Tiro o chapéu às caveiras; gosto da respeitosa liberdade com que Hamlet fala à do bobo Yorick. Esqueletos de mostrador, fazendo guifonas, sejam eles de verdade ou não, é coisa que me aflige. Há tanta coisa gaiata por esse mundo, que não vale a pena ir ao outro arrancar de lá os que dormem. Não desconheço que esta minha pieguice ia melhor em verso, com toada de recitativo ao piano: Mas é que eu não faço versos; isto não é verso:
Venha o esqueleto, mais tristonho e grave bem como a ave, que fugiu do além... Sim, ponhamos o esqueleto nos mostradores, mas sério, tão sério como se fosse o próprio esqueleto do nosso avô, por exemplo... Obrigá-lo a uma polca, habanera, lundu ou cracoviana...cracoviana? Sim, leitora amiga, é uma dança muito antiga, que o nosso amigo João, cá de casa, executa maravilhosamente, no intervalo dos seus trabalhos. Quando acaba, diz-nos sempre, parodiando um trecho de Shakespeare: "Há entre a vossa e a minha idade, muito mais coisas do que sonha a vossa vã filosofia”.
Boas noites!
Machado de Assis
21 de janeiro de 1889

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